Final Word
by techno tendencies
Summary: A songfic revolving around one of Draco Malfoy's most interesting relationships and how he can love... just not like everyone else. How much can someone change him if at all? READ AND REVIEW!


A/N: This is a songfic revolving around Draco Malfoy's relationship with Hermione Granger. I think that for the most part, it's pretty in character. Not much dialogue. The song is 'Make This Go On Forever' by Snow Patrol and I'd honestly advise downloading this song and listening to it as you read this fic. It really gets the feeling across. So read and review please! (Oh, and make sure to check out my other fics, too.)

**Final Word**

_Please don't let this turn into something it's not,  
I can only give you everything I've got.  
_

I cannot deny the fact that I cared for her. I cared for her more than I'd ever cared for another human being – not that that's saying much. It's not as though she'd broken through the thick layer of ice and made me into… Harry Potter, or something. It's more like she'd taken that ice and turned it into the coldest water. The kind of water you still enjoy, but it hurts to swallow. What we had – it was a relationship. I'm not sure what kind of relationship, but we seemed to have different views on exactly what it was.

I could tell after the first night, there was more than simple lust and want in her eyes. I know she wanted to change me; to make me into a "better man", but by the time I'd let her into my life, I was the best man I could ever be. I didn't get into the relationship intending to _hurt _her, but I surely didn't get into the relationship intending to _stay_ with her.

I can't help who I am. Not really, at least.

_I can't be as sorry as you think I should,  
But I still love you more than anyone else could._

_I_ cannot deny that both of our walls came down when it started. She told me things that no one in the world would have guessed. I told her things that I'd never told anyone else. Her dream profession was to own a library or bookstore – both if she had the resources. She had a small tattoo of Crookshanks (her disgusting cat) imprinted on her inner thigh. I found that to be rather humorous when I first discovered it – a pussy next to a pussy! How perfect!

I'll be honest in saying that during the time we were seeing one another, I was seeing another… and another, and another.

Parvati and Padma Patil. (I tend to count them as one. I mean, who can tell the difference?)

Millicent Bullstrode.

Hannah Abbott.

When she found out about the twins, I apologized. When I looked at her with, what she'd decided was regret, she forgave me. I knew then that we meant something to her. That to her, we meant something much more than what I had ever anticipated.

And I never said a word. I know I should have.

___All that I keep thinking throughout this whole flight,  
Is it could take my whole damn life to make this right._

I know that I should have told her. Not just that I had continued cheating on her and that I had no intention of stopping. She would not have understood that I could care for her and multiple others at the same time. She would not have understood that I could care for others but care for her the most.

All she would have heard is 'It's over.' And that was something I didn't want. I did love her – just not enough to stop. If I could take any part of it back, I'd take back the part of her finding out. I'd make it so that she never would have caught me and the other girls. The first time she found out, it wasn't very pretty.

_ This splintered mast I'm holding on won't save me long,_  
_ Because I know fine well that what I did was wrong._

I had forgotten that our meeting place was the same as my meeting place with Padma – Parvati – no, Padma – one of the Patil's. Anyway, Patil and I were having a shag in the broom closet when the door knob began turning.

I knew it was near one 'o' clock, and I knew I was supposed to meet her at 1:15, but I had forgotten that she was always early, never late.

Her face fell like Potter had back in second year. I looked at Patil, shrugged, and pushed her out of the closet. After Patil was long gone, she looked at me, waiting for the grandest 'forgive me' gesture.

I couldn't. I looked at her solemnly and murmured 'Sorry.' before brushing past her to get to Potions.

I was sorry. Just not as sorry as I should have been.

_______ The last girl and the last reason to make this last for as long as I could,_  
_______ The first kiss and the first time that I felt connected to anything,_  
_______ The weight of water, the way you taught me to look past everything I had ever learned,_  
_______ The final word in the final sentence you ever uttered to me was 'love'._

By the time I'd moved on to the fourth girl while I was with her, I was debating. I could not, for the life of me, figure out what to do. I knew that I was hurting her, I knew that she loved me, I knew I loved her, I knew I loved being with the others whenever I wanted. She was, by far, the most amazing girl I had ever met. But I wasn't willing to be with her and only her.

She'd taught me a lot. She'd taught me that I could think for myself. That it was okay to be nice. That it was okay to care. And it was, it really was, but I wasn't quite capable enough. I can only be so nice and I can only care so much.

The amount of love I can give is not equal to the amount I can receive.  
_________  
_

_________ We have got through so much worse than this before,_  
_________ What's so different this time that you can't ignore?_

She caught me with the fourth girl, Pansy Parkinson, and I could tell from her face that it was different this time. That my regretful tone and my fervent apology would not win her over. This was the last straw and I wondered if it was for better or worse that it had happened.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, clutching her hand and placing the other on her cheek.

"No, you're not." She whispered back in an equally remorseful tone. "You haven't been sorry for the past year. I've given you all of this space – this time – to change. And you've yet to prove you can change at all."

"I – I can't change who I am. You know that I'm a sex fiend." I laughed, allowing my hand to caress her arm.

"Quit it. This is it, Draco. I can't do this anymore. I can't just sit back and watch you be with other girls. Relationships don't work like that. Even you should know that."

___________ You say it is much more than just my last mistake,_  
___________ And we should spend some time apart for both our sake's._

"Come on, don't do this right now. Let's just go back to my room and talk." I smiled at her playfully. She was making it so difficult.

"I can't forgive you this time. You've had your chance – your chances. I should have done this the first time you betrayed me. I think it best we not see each other again."

Her eyes met mine for a moment and I know she could see real regret there.

"I can't love -" her voice caught as she dropped her eyes and shook her head. She slowly turned and walked away without another word.

I hadn't even been given the chance to tell her that I really was sorry this time.

That I was ready.

_____________The last girl and the last reason to make this last for as long as I could,  
The first kiss and the first time that I felt connected to anything,  
The weight of water, the way you taught me to look past everything I had ever learned,  
The final word in the final sentence you ever uttered to me was 'love'._

_____________  
The last girl and the last reason to make this last for as long as I could,  
The first kiss and the first time that I felt connected to anything,  
The weight of water, the way you taught me to look past everything I had ever learned,  
The final word in the final sentence you ever uttered to me was 'love'._

I had loved her. Maybe not as much as I could have or should have, but the fact is – I did. I know she wanted me to give up the other girls. To change my lifestyle. To meet my full potential. To defy my own father. But I want to believe that I can love someone that much. I want to believe that I'd put everything on the line just to be with someone.

Her maybe.

I keep telling myself over and over that Pansy was the last one so that I could be with the one I truly cared about.

I've never been so sure of anything except for the fact that her kiss was the most inspiring and beautiful thing I'd ever experienced.

I know that when I was with her, I at least felt like a better man.

I can't explain how horrible it is to know that she can't love me anymore - not that she simply doesn't, but that she can't.

And I can't convey how much it pains me to say that I loved Hermione Granger just enough so that when she left me, it broke my heart.

Just a little.

But too much, still.

_______________And I don't know where to look,  
My words just break and melt.  
Please just save me from this darkness,  
Please just save me from this darkness._


End file.
